My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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