I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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