I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
