So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
