you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
