Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
