He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
