Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
