i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
