I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All the doctor said was why
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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