So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
