I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
