i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
