I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
