I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
