Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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