you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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