well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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