Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
