I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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