just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I love having hate sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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