Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We named our party play list daddy issues
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
