Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
