"it" just moved
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
