It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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