is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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