we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
