ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
