The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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