my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
