Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
