She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
