i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
