pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
