Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
