Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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