Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
