Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
