why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
