so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
