I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
