I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
