So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
