I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So here I am, sexting at work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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