they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
