I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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