Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
