yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
