If that was your dad, he is hot
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
