are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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