First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
barbara walters just said penis...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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