White coat. Heels.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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