Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
