wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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